Good-bye

It was late- all the lights in the house were out. I had a sudden urge to spend time with Bonnie. Quietly tip-toeing down the stairs, I grabbed a jacket from the closet. Feeling like a blue snow-woman in my Dad's big blue winter coat, I walked to the back door and stood still watching my dog. She was very alert, listening to something. I waited to see if a coon or possum would show itself- or a stranger from over the brick fence. After a few minutes her tensed form relaxed and she put her head on her paws. 

I knew the moment I turned the lock on the door she'd be on her feet wiggling her stub of a tail to greet me. It was chilly & humid- I don't know how Texas manages to do that. And to top it off, the mosquitoes were so happy I'd come! Swatting at them, I knelt down to pet Bonnie. She butted against me and looked up with her dog smile. Why did she have to do that- look like nothing was wrong? Maybe it was a gift- one more good night before the end.

Sitting on the edge of the doorstep, all I wanted to do was snuggle. But Bonnie, rarely a snuggler, grabbed the mangled stuffed doll lying on the porch. (The doll was a gift from one of Abby's students to their "techer" that she donated to Bonnie.) She began her prancing and pushed the toy against my legs and arms. If I tried to catch her to snuggle she'd whip away and playfully growl a challenge. So instead of snuggling last night, I played tug-of-war with my dog. She was happy. I provided a feast for the mosquitoes as our heavy breathing combined with my laughing announced fresh blood to the little vampires.

I finally sat down on the cement, grabbed my dog and just held her. She stopped squirming and looked up into my eyes. So trusting. I had to squeeze mine shut. How can I do this? Why can't she just die on her own? Why do we have to put her down? I hate having the power to choose the date and time she leaves this earth. Do dogs go to heaven? I haven't seen anything in the Bible really discussing it- but I know they don't really have souls like we do. I just can't imagine my sweet dog ceasing to exist. It feels unreal.

Good-bye is so hard. I hate death. It's an enemy that gained access to this world because of our sinful nature. But sometimes I love the fact that we get to experience hope and grace and mercy that we wouldn't have if we had been perfect. "It's a hard-knock life for us."- as Annie would say, I mean sing.

God has a perfect plan- even in the loss of one of my best friends. I haven't cried yet- she isn't gone yet- but she will be by the end of the week. I will miss my dog VERY much, but I'm so glad that she was at that pound the day my parents decided to get us a dog! There will never be another one like Bonnie. (And I'm sure thousands of people have felt that way about thousands of dogs.)