Blonde Moments & Lies

Admit it. You've probably had at least one of those moments. And as a blonde- I take umbrage at the absurdity of labeling people of a specific hair color with that polite phrase for "incredibly dumb!" But I still use the term "blonde moment" as an excuse whenever I sound un-educated.

Perhaps simple comments like "Wow! This red chip tastes like tomato!" after the person has just dunked said chip in salsa are deserving of the term. (Really happened- you know who you are...:)

Or being forgetful like a certain sister this week: "Wow! Look at this huge bag! It's so big!" only to forget it 10 seconds later and trip over it...maybe that's "being blonde"?

I'd like to share one of my most recent "blonde moments"- I wish I could say it was the last one I'll ever make...

It was October. It had been a busy month so far. Just 4 days before boarding my plane to Nashville to visit with two of my dearest friends, I had done the flowers for a rather fancy wedding downtown. I had enjoyed doing that, but was super excited that "relaxation" was about to be in my vocabulary. :)

I had two best friends freshman year. The first, Monica had married a couple of years before & was living in Nashville. As that is not within easy driving distance I hadn't seen her in awhile. Knowing that she had a spare room and having had her invite me to come so many times, I finally caved. I told Sallie- the other part of our "3 musketeers" group- that she should come. Sallie wanted to, but was unsure about ticket price. Understanding that, I didn't push her...just sent her hints every time we talked. Finally, she agreed! But- we decided not to tell Monica. This is where we build up to the "blonde moment."

Sallie had arranged it that she would first fly into Houston and then we would be on the same plane to Nashville. I was delighted! However, her layover was only going to be an hour...which can be tricky and unpredictable. Her plane ended up being delayed. So while I waited to board-alone- she called me back and said she had a new flight heading straight to Nashville and would only be about 45 minutes behind my plane. Good!- I thought. "Delay Monica, somehow," she said, "You can say you're waiting on another piece of luggage!"

Ok. I'm not a very good liar. Guilt usually gets to me.

So I spent a lot of my flight thinking about how I was going to have to lie to one of my best friends within the first few minutes of seeing her. The plane I was on was a small one...which meant my carry-on bag had been tagged and stuck in the cargo hold. (Or whatever you call the place they stick luggage...I'm not the biggest expert on planes...obviously.) They had given me a blue ticket stub with the number matching the one on my bag. Aha! I thought. I'll say this is the stub to my "other bag" when I see Monica. Good. I can do this. Breathe.

Finally we landed. Poor Monica, I'd already accidentally told her that my boarding time was my landing time...thankfully the flight was less than 2 hours... As soon as I had service, which wasn't until we were taxiing to the building, I called her: "Monica! Um, do you still want me to visit? I'm SO sorry! I got so occupied with what time I needed to be at the airport I forgot that I'd still have to actually spend time flying..." Being her usual cheerful, sweet self, Monica laughed at me- as good friends should. "Of course I do!! Are you here?" she asked. "Yes! I just landed."

As I got off the plane, I got another call from Sallie. She must not be on her plane! I thought. Sure enough, "Hannah, they had to cancel my flight again! I should be getting there around 7pm." "Oh no!" I told her. "I'm sorry you're not getting here before then! I just got off my plane and haven't reached Monica yet, but I'll tell her my bag isn't being delivered til 7pm...it'll be ok." Suuure.


"Um, so they had a problem with my bags," I said holding up the blue stub after hugging Monica. "This bag has your present in it! It should be here at 7pm." I smiled apologetically.

She bought it!!! "Oh that's fine! We can pick it up after supper." she said and I sighed in relief. That afternoon was wonderful, but the whole time I had some thoughts in the back of my mind:

1) I hope Sallie's ok.
2) I hope her plane doesn't get canceled- again.
3) What is she going to eat for dinner?
4) I am SUCH a liar. I feel like a jerk.

It was time for us to go back to the airport for Sallie. Surprised that the time was flying, Monica said, "You don't have to be there RIGHT at 7pm, do you? It could wait a while and we can..." I began shaking my head. "Oh no. I really don't want it to go missing! It's got a special gift for you in it and I need it for this weekend." I replied.

On the inside I was saying: "LIAR!" and panicking that she might not buy it and I'd have to spill the beans.

"Ok." Monica let out a little sigh. I could tell she'd noticed my bag. Her thinking was probably along the lines of: "The bag you have is fine for a 4 day weekend...why would you need more luggage??"

Doing my best to hide my embarrassment, I followed her to the car. We made it to the airport and by that time I was on such a major guilt trip. It had been 5 hours. It was 7pm. Where on earth was Sallie? And why didn't I think to have her text me her plane info? Scanning the screens of flight info, Monica joined me.

"Oh there's one from Houston! But it's not til 9pm!! And the other one got here 40 minutes ago...lets go ask someone!" she said. "Um, no. Not yet. I have the phone number they gave me, I'll try that first." I hurriedly replied. "I'm going to go look in the baggage claim area." Monica informed me. "Ok!" I said. "You'll know it when you see it!" And then I mentally scolded myself for that hint I'd just given.

Where was Sallie?? She didn't answer her phone. "Must still be in the air..." I muttered to my phone as Monica came up behind me. "Ok, let's ask at that help desk over there." Monica said.

I lagged behind a bit looking at my phone. Willing it to ring. Nothing was happening. We were within 10 feet of the help desk. I looked up and caught Monica's eye- she was very confused about my behavior...didn't I want to find my luggage? Why wasn't I being my proactive self?

There was nothing for it but to march up to the help desk with purpose. I did and the first words out of my mouth were: "Excuse me. When is your next flight from Pan Am?"

-We interrupt this tale to point out the "blonde moment" which is glaringly obvious to anyone who frequents airports. Pan Am shut down in 1991- so it has been extinct for 20 years.-

The man and woman at the help desk stared at me. I had their full attention. "What?" the man asked, for clarification purposes. "Pan Am?" I repeated. "When is the next flight?" I was still oblivious to my mistake. After the woman gave the man a quick glance, she cleared her throat. Deciding to humor me she said, "Where is the flight coming from?" "Um," everything in me wanted to say where Sallie was coming from but Monica was there...I couldn't give the secret away after keeping it ALL day. "Houston." I replied.

"Well, there are no Pan Am flights from Houston today." the man replied. Not catching his sarcasm, I glanced toward the escalator where I hoped I'd soon see Sallie. "But," he continued, "there is one more flight due at 9. It's a Southwest flight."

Monica decided that something had happend to her friend that was usually filled with initiative and took over. "She's looking for a bag," she said. The man looked at us for a second. "Well in that case, if you go over to those offices, they should be able to help you track it down." he said.

"Thank you." I replied and turned to see Monica pointing. "Look! That lady just helped some people with their bag...she may know what to do!" Groaning inwardly, I held back. "Monica, they told me it would be here about 7pm. Maybe there's another flight they don't know about? Let's wait just 10 more minutes?" as I said this I gave a sigh of relief as the lady who'd been helping with luggage disappeared around a corner. And then I realized that Pan Am didn't exist anymore.

Mortified that I had been reduced to a lying, blonde idiot, I walked towards the escalator. I couldn't believe that I had asked about Pan Am! I hid behind a pillar out of sight of the help desk. They were talking and looking in my direction.

After sitting on the floor of the terminal, Monica and I began playing the game Life on my nook. Distracted I told her I was going to try the number for my bag again. I called Sallie. Amazingly, this time she answered! Glancing behind me, I noticed that Monica was within earshot. "Hello! I'm calling about my luggage." I said. Sallie giggled. "Well your "luggage" just landed and will be in the baggage claim area in about 10 minutes!" Wanting to shout for joy, I maintained my polite "talking to a stranger" voice and said, "Good. I'll meet you by the escalator near baggage claim." "Great!" she said.

"My bag is here!" I told Monica. "It should be coming down that escalator in a few minutes." Poor Monica was tired and a little annoyed with my behavior that evening. "Ok, great." she said with a small smile.

We continued to play Life on my nook and I constantly checked the escalator. However, it was as I looked in the opposite direction that I spotted Sallie making her way toward us. "Monica!" I said. "That lady there in the maroon shirt has my bag!" And as Monica looked up, suddenly the lies were worth it. I carefully grabbed my nook before she dropped it on the floor in shock.

"SALLIE?!? What??" she gave a shriek of delight and I was on her heels. Poor Monica kept saying, "I can't believe this is happening!!" We laughed because she couldn't think of anything else to say, except "Oh!" as we gripped hands and hugged again. Sallie, Monica and I were a giggling mess and had quite an audience.* Perhaps some misinformation is worth it? Perhaps not... I just know that I don't particularly want to be the "liar" again anytime soon... And I definitely don't want to look like such a fool either. I still blush a bit when I think about it...

*I hope those people at the help desk saw that reunion and thought I was joking about Pan Am and the luggage...