Heart-Throb!

It was very rainy this morning. I listened to the beautiful sound, reset my alarm clock for another hour and went back to sleep.

A few hours later I was at the office going through e-mails and getting ready to deliver some packages and pick up the mail. I had a lunch date with my sister, Abby, at noon and when I saw a missed call from her around 11am I sighed. I hoped she wasn't canceling, because I was looking forward to trying out the Italian restaurant and the rare opportunity of lunch with her on a weekday.

Picking up my cell I called her back. "Hey, you called?"

"Oh good! Yes. We are almost here at Memorial Hermann." Abby has two modes during stressful times, 1) Panic, most common 2) over-the-top calm. She had on the fake calm voice- I knew she was trying to prepare me for something. That's the kind of voice she used a few years ago when we were told our dog was dying...thankfully the vet was wrong that time. :)

Wondering what she was talking about and who could be at the hospital I prodded her. "Why are you at the hospital? What's going on?"

"Well, Mom has been checked into the hospital..." her voice faded out as my mind kicked into gear.
Mom and Sally were supposed to have gone to the community college to register for courses at 8am. This meant that maybe something had happened- a car wreck?

"What happened?" I asked, unsure if she had said or not.
"Well, Mom is having heart pain and the doctors have been doing blood-work. They've got her hooked up to an EKG and in a room..." again I missed what she was saying.

"We're here, I'll let you know what room she's in in a minute, ok?" Abby's calm adult voice irritated me. I didn't want to be an adult today. I feel like we're playing pretend when we act like adults, if that makes any sense. Perhaps because I spent my whole life once she was born playing house, mermaids, sharks, foxes, safari hunters, Steve Irwin, etc, etc, etc. We had very active imaginations. :)

My boss had walked into my office and sat in my spare chair as I wrapped up my conversation with Abby. Once I hung up I blurted: "My Mom's in the hospital I need to go, is there anything you need me to do before I leave?" "Um, no." he said. "No, I don't need anything." "Ok" I said.

I looked at the packages that needed to be delivered and thought about the mail that needed to be picked up. As I type this, I realize that I forgot to give the ladies my mail key...drat! Bonnie was able to take care of the high priority tasks for me and so I ducked out of the office and drove the 5 minute drive to the hospital- probably the closest I'll ever be to a hospital during an emergency. Thank you, God, for the short drive!

I got lost in the hospital and eventually reached my Dad by phone- he gave me the room number and told me to ask the front desk where the right elevators were. I did and eventually appeared on the 3rd floor where my sister found me and took me to the room. Mom looked exhausted but otherwise well. She was in a hospital bed and I had that feeling that it wasn't real. It couldn't be. My Mom, in the hospital?

It was a long day. Longest for my Mom.
Around 3:30pm I left the hospital with my youngest sister to pick up some stuff from the office that I needed before Thanksgiving. We were able to thank the ladies in the office for their help and prayers and then rushed home. At 4:30pm my Mom finally walked in the door. She'd been in the hospital since about 3am- 13 hours.

I know what you're thinking: "How did you not know your Mom was in the hospital for 8 hours?!"
It does sound bad.

Well, all of that and the rest of the story are explained my my e-mail to my co-workers, posted here:



Dear Grace Team,

Thank you for your patience with me as I disappeared this morning. I cannot tell you enough how humbly grateful I am to get to work with you all! It is such a blessing to me!

My Mom spent 13 hours in the hospital so they could monitor her heart and blood pressure. She's had a swollen foot since March and because of that, a pain management doctor has been trying different meds to see which one will take away the swelling, etc.  They still don't know what's wrong with her foot.

One of her meds ran out 12 days ago and the doctor hasn't been available to answer his phone or anything. At 3am she was unable to sleep because of sharp chest pain and woke up my Dad to let him know she'd be heading to the ER. My poor Dad was so out of it that after asking if she needed him to take her and her refusal, he dropped back to sleep. He slept in today and around 8am headed out the door. Abby and I thought he was headed to work- he didn't tell us what was happening. Mom and Sally were supposed to be gone by 7:30am to register Sally for Spring classes at Lonestar and since that car was also missing (and we didn't see Sally- who slept in) we assumed all was well.

At 10am my Dad came home and got Abby and Sally because things looked serious and she was checked into a room. They were planning much more blood-work and tests. Her blood pressure levels were very bad 3 different times during the day. They called me around 10:50 and within 10 minutes I had given Bonnie and Tameka the high priority tasks and run out the door. We spent most of the afternoon waiting on a doctor. Apparently the one who was supposed to be there didn't let his back-up know that he wouldn't be able to make it and so we heard "just a few more minutes" for hours. My poor Mom had been not allowed to even drink water in all this time because they were waiting to run the tests so at 2pm I went and asked what the news was. The nurse told me she'd try to reach the doctor again and would know everything "in a few minutes". I knew it wasn't her fault so I went back to the room. At 3pm I went back again, she called and then told me she'd call them back in 10 minutes. By this time I was ready to have her hand me that phone, my Mom was uncomfortable and where was the doctor? I went quietly back to the room though. Amazingly, 10 minutes later the nurse came into the room with a shocked look on her face: "I told them that I needed the doctor's cell phone number immediately and they gave it to me!" She sounded shocked and pleased and told us the doctor would be in soon. 15 minutes later he was there- extremely apologetic since he didn't know that he was supposed to be in. He went through the charts and, on my Mom's begging to be allowed to head to Arkansas for Thanksgiving tomorrow, he agreed that she could- if she took the new meds he prescribed her. Hooray for quiet persistence and prayers!

She came home around 4:30pm and crashed. Now she's up packing and we're taking turns babysitting her and begging her to take it easy- it's not my turn so I'm typing this.

Her funny moment of the day: Before my Dad got back with my sisters, my Mom grew impatient and decided she'd get up and ask the nurses in the hall if they knew when the doctor would be in. The nurses told her soon and slapped a neon yellow "Fall Risk" bracelet on her arm before steering her back to the hospital bed. After getting over the frustration my Mom cracked up and acted sarcastically proud of the thing when we arrived. :)

We're headed up tomorrow to Arkansas and coming back Saturday. Please pray that we'll travel safely and God will protect us!

Thank you again for all of your graciousness and empathy today. I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and will see you all on Monday!

Sincerely,

Hannah

  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :)

Early Thanks

I know that it's not Thanksgiving yet...but with everybody already decorating for Christmas and the lack of time I may have later perhaps you'll indulge me...:)

Today I am grateful for so many things:

1) The GSOT Fundraising Banquet went well and I had my CityLife Team and most of my family there for moral support (even though I barely got to say anything to them and never was able to eat the salad...another story, another day...)

2) My sweet friend, Casey Bell. She and I were up until 2am baking, doing Bible study, and watching an old Esther Williams movie while knitting.*

3) My CityLife Team...we have spent the last 7 months sporadically exploring Houston, studying what life is supposed to look like after college, doing Bible study, paintball, kayaking, black & white movies in the park, etc. I love them.

4) My job. I visited both of the nurseries (garden centers) downtown today after my CityLife meeting where I spent my first year after college. I have to admit, I was missing some of the aspects of that job: being outdoors all day, talking with different people all the time, doing light garden design...and of course my coworkers and bosses. I spent an hour at each place visiting, listening, getting hugged to death, and came close to tears. However, the gossip they wanted to share poured forth and I remembered that I LOVE working at the seminary and avoiding all of that. It was a good reminder for me to be especially thankful for where God has placed me.



* I'm a terrible knitter...and actually I'm crocheting a scarf right now which may be done by the time I have gray hair...though I think the color would clash with gray hair...

Getting Back in the Game of Life

I stared at the tiny pink game piece: a little woman from the game of Life. How had it gotten here on the floor of my room?

My thoughts were distracted. I was feeling sad and lonely. Stupid facebook showed so many of my friends enjoying themselves...it only served to rub-in the loneliness I was feeling. I felt unneeded and unwanted. Life after college was completely different from what I had expected. I wanted friends...friends to pursue me. To choose me. To send the first text message, e-mail, post on facebook, or make the first phone call.

Some of this loneliness can be applied to the fact that I don't have a church family at the moment. I don't feel like I fit in at my parent's church and while I have tried some new churches, it's nerve-racking to venture into a new building where I know no one. But you know, it is when I reach these moments of utter despair that God reminds me, He's there.

Sometimes, for the greater good, He allows people to forget that I exist in order to leave me no options but Himself.
Does this work? Not always right away. Sometimes I ignore Him with a frustrated sigh. There are other times when I feel like I've been smacked with the "Obvious" stick and apologize to Him, remind myself of my life's purpose and move on.

The tiny woman from the game of Life reminded me of myself. Detached from the reality of Life...alone, forgotten. How did she get on my floor? How did I get where I am? Why can't I be the "perfect Christian" that I want to be? Jesus never promised easy street, that's for sure. It has been recommended to me that I create a "life statement" or "goal" about why I'm here and what I should be focused on each day. Here goes: (this is subject to editing as I continue to grow in Christ)

'I, Hannah, a dim reflection of Christ, do solemnly swear to love those that God places in my life through: excellent work, pursuing friendships, engaging in ministry opportunities and investing in a deep love-relationship with my Savior on a daily, hourly, even minutely basis. All of this so that I may be ready in season and out to share with others the wonderful news of Christ and His great passion for every single person.'

Still needs some work, but I'll start there. I probably should go place that little pink woman back in the box of Life so she too can continue to fulfill her purpose...

Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite...

I spent most of my college career living in the dorms. It was cheaper, simpler, and a pre-furnished living space. One year though, I decided to get an apartment with one of my best friends. We lived in this place just north of the campus and most of our neighbors were grad students from India.

We were pretty excited about decorating our place and had friends over every week- especially on the weekends for game night. We were so serious about offering teas and coffee that I had bought a 30-pack of silver spoons from Sam's Club just so we wouldn't have to fill the world with plastic. :)

We noticed one night that Sallie was getting bit by something. After a few days we realized it must be coming from somewhere in the apartment because, I too had a couple of bites. We couldn't hear or see any mosquitos...that was the only thing that could be causing this problem, right?

One night, as I was reading on my bed, I noticed something small race across my pillow towards me!!!

Flying off the bed, I landed facing it and peered at the tiny, brown speck on my pillow. Grabbing my frisbee and entomology textbook (how ironic...) I swept the thing onto the underside of the frisbee. Not having any Raid handy, I grabbed the Lysol can and sprayed the unidentified speck dead.

The murder overwith, I studied the little bug. I'd never seen anything like it before. Hmm...what in the world could it be?? I opened my textbook and began flipping through the pictures and drawings of different insects and then IT HIT ME.

This thing came from my bed! What if there really were such things as bed bugs??? I'd heard of those mythical creatures before, but had no idea what they looked like and had doubted their existence. I mean, someone just made up a cute saying: "Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite!", right? It was just a saying!

With an ominous feeling I turned back to the glossary and searched under the "B". There it was: Bed Bugs. Frantically, I flipped to the page but it was just words. I read...about three different types of bed bugs. Then I turned the page...There, the largest of the three pencil drawings, was the exact same bug as the dead one on my frisbee!!! The world ended.

I quickly hollered to, Sallie: We have a problem!!

Did we ever have a problem. Google was our best friend. We poured over articles about how to get rid of bed bugs and looked at each other in dismay! Cups of a special oil placed under the "feet" of our beds, special mattress and pillow covers, washing everything in hot water and vacuuming what couldn't be washed...

***Did you know a bed bug can live 90 days in a sealed container??? That's how they get transported...it takes FOREVER for them to die!

After a trip to Walmart (in which we bought most of the giant black trash bags they carried and each got a different colored duct tape to seal them: purple for Sallie, teal for me...we made a pit stop at Starbucks. It was now 11:30pm. It was the only all nighter my friend Sallie pulled in college. (I took a nap...)

My mom was kind enough to come for a day-trip and sit in the Washateria with me while we washed every piece of fabric we owned and cleaned the apartment from head to toe.

***Did you know that bed bugs make three bites at a time? If you have itching bites and they are in groupings of three...be afraid.

Turns out, someone in the apartment on our right (a bachelor pad of four Indian guys) had brought the bed bugs back over the break. The apartment owner paid to spray their apartment, but did they warn the apartments on either side about what had happened or spray them just in case? NO. So the bugs had migrated through the wall into our place. We warned the neighbor on our left and heard the vacuum cleaner going for hours...

That said, I was the ONLY one in my ento lab that semester to have bed bugs in my bug collection! I even caught a couple of the babies-which are practically invisible because they are a mix between white and clear!

So, sleep tight my friends and don't EVER let bed bugs bite...

Grasshopper Girl

Entomology 201.
I'd looked forward to this class and expected an A before I even began.

You see, I've been catching and identifying bugs since before I could walk...example for proof? Ok, here:

Me- one year old, crawling around on the kitchen floor.
Mom- on the telephone.
Me- I find a cricket on the floor.
Mom- still on the phone.
Me- I use my highly tuned sense of taste to identify the bug.
Mom- mid-sentence spots me inserting cricket into my mouth and shrieks! Her baby is being contaminated!!! Phone call is ended.
Me- I experience my first "washing the mouth out with soap" routine.

There. Proof. -Though I don't use the "tasting" method to identify bugs anymore...I still chase down things that move to get a better look. My top two favorite bugs? 1) Praying Mantis & 2) Mole Crickets.

So, there I was my junior year of college, enrolled in Ento 201. My favorite part? The lab. We watched this incredible BBC series on insects and I didn't care that the first two labs went overtime...I was fascinated. Other girls were squirming in their seats, guys were trying to make it worse with their comments- but I had tuned them all out.

Naturally I was very excited about the following week's lab. If the last two were so spectacular who knew what the next week would hold? Sure the cases of pinned bugs that adorned the walls gave me the creeps- I didn't enjoy looking at dead things on display. And the smell? Well it wasn't pleasant- hundreds of dead bugs soaked in chemicals that had both killed them and continued to preserve them... *still makes me shudder to think about it.*

The following week, as I talked with the people sitting around me in lab and we waited for our instructor, I noticed a screen carrier with some beautiful, live, orange and white grasshoppers. I'd never seen any so colorful before. In walked our TA (teacher's assistant/ aide) and he began handing out sheets of paper with diagrams of the insides of grasshoppers on them. No big deal- pencil drawings and labeling the insects- child's play.

Then he said what our project was going to be for the day: dissecting a grasshopper. The same beautiful ones I'd been admiring minutes earlier. They were destined to die. I felt sick. I'd never dissected anything before and had realized early on that I had no desire to partake of that practice (otherwise I would've been a vet).

I didn't feel very well and was terrified about this whole idea...the group around me began to notice.
"You look really pale." the girl next to me commented.
"Aw, she'll be fine." the guy behind me pronounced.
"Sure! All you need to do is breathe, ok? Count between breaths it'll help." the guy in front of me coached.

Is it hot in here? Why can't I breathe? Will he just stop talking about breathing?! -my mind was beginning to race.

The "breathing" guy continued, "Look, breathe in....breathe out. You can do this! Are you breathing?"

No! No I'm not breathing. My throat is closing up! -But I couldn't say anything.

"Ok lets divide into groups of 6." said the TA. I had the three who'd been talking to me plus another guy and girl. "Now, send one of your members to catch a grasshopper from the bucket."
The tall guy who'd insisted I'd be fine, caught one of the lovely creatures and brought it back to the table.

I stared at it with a mixture of sorrow and horror. Thoughts of grabbing the bucket of grasshoppers and running from the building to set them free crossed my mind...

"Haha, look at the little guy." "You're about to die, buddy!" "Ew, don't hold that thing close to me!" and other such comments flew around my head. I really couldn't breathe well at all and suddenly was blind. Why was the world blurry?

"Now, I want one of you to pull the grasshopper's head off quickly and cleanly so we can study it's insides..." the TA's voice began to fade.

Pull off it's head?!?! I thought. Of course I could barely see, but the idea was enough to make me sick.

"Whoa, are you ok?" my entire group was focused on me. The grasshopper, was peeking over the one guy's thumb at me- I could just see it's cute head and antennae. I suddenly realized a wet sensation on my face and realized I could see better...in between blinks. I'd never hyperventilated like this before- I realize that's what it was now. At the moment, the fact that I couldn't breathe or see was causing me to panic.

"Go!" my group urged me. "Hurry before we kill it." "The TA won't mind! Hurry!" "Leave NOW" the guy holding the grasshopper told me.

After 15 seconds of deliberation, I bolted across the lab room, through the hall, down the stairs, along the huge corridor, and outside. I paused for a moment to try and catch my breath before slipping around the corner of the building where I collapsed behind some shrubs and sobbed. For the grasshopper. For the thought of killing something by pulling it's head off. Because I was too tenderhearted for my own good. Because it was hard to breathe. Because I had to.

I called my mom and spoke with her and my sister for awhile in between sobs. Finally, after composing myself, I sent a text message to some friends- I don't remember if I was just sharing the moment or asked for prayer.

At last I headed back into the building and checked my face in the bathroom mirror to make sure I didn't look like I'd been crying. It was no use. My nose and eyes were red. Embarrassed I walked back up the stairs and waited in the hallway for the rest of my class to finish. I still needed to gather my things and was debating apologizing to the TA.

The class finished and began leaving. The looks of pity and curiosity I received made me shrink into the wall. My TA never commented on my "skipping" lab when I made my way back in to grab my stuff, so I didn't bring it up.

One of my lab partners called me "Grasshopper Girl" the following week and that nickname stuck until I graduated from A&M.

I did have to see grasshopper guts during the lab final and almost lost it, but I managed to finish that exam and haven't squished a bug since. Ok ok, I'll squish a mosquito with a tissue...but I have huge feelings of guilt to overcome each time. Cockroaches get flushed down the toilet and if they live, I'm sorry...you come and kill them!